is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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