guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
