Little spoons don't ask big questions
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
