Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he puts the penis in happiness.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize