You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
