OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
