you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are all done wearing pants today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
