my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize