it wasn't lemon gatorade
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
