So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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