Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she peed on how many people?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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