God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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