Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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