sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
