I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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