I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
