I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
where are my eyebrows?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
