Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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