nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
