Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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