So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
