And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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