i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We left the knife in your bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
