I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
