Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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