I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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