my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
