i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
two words...techno handjob
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
