i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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