once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
