The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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