just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
