pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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