He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
