Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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