I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
