All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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