Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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