We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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