Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize