i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
