On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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