i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
