Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I want is dick and wine.
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