Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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