Plan B is the new Plan A
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
