I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
