We named our party play list daddy issues
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
