Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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