He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
