Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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