We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
