Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
