She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
third nipple confirmed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
