Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize