Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am midnight drunk by noon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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