SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
