Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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