What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
