you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
