Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
