I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
