Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
