this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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