We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
