I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
