Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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