I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
