I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
