If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
