all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
