New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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