I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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