it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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