I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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